A person who has lack of sense of humor definitely possess criminal instincts.
---- Burmese proverb
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Didi and looney toons
Jug Suraiya
Chamcha-in-Chief: I'm right here, Mamatadi. Standing in the corner like you told me to.
Mamata: Oh, there you are. I mistook you for a filing cabinet. With everything painted blue, you can't tell the flunkeys from the furniture. Only yesterday I sat down on my favourite blue sofa. Imagine my surprise when it turned out that the sofa wasn't a sofa but the home secretary. Come to think of it, he's more comfortable to sit on than the sofa. Better padded. Maybe in future I'll use him instead of the sofa. But enough of this baajay kotha, this rubbish talk. The reason I called for you, Chamcha-in-Chief, is that I want all toons to be banned in Bengal, with immediate effect!
Chamcha-in-Chief: You want all tunes banned in Bengal? Does that include the most famous of Bengal's tunes, Amar Sonar Bangla?
Mamata Banerjee
Mamata: Because all cartoons are a conspiracy against me!
Chamcha-in-Chief: But how can all cartoons be a conspiracy against you?
Mamata: Boka na ki? Are you stupid or what? Cartoons, all cartoons, are a conspiracy against me because everything is a conspiracy against me. It's a very special conspiracy. So special that it's even got its own name. It's called paranoia. That nctc they keep talking about is also part of it.
Chamcha-in-Chief: The nctc? The National Counter Terrorism Centre? How can that be a part of the conspiracy against you?
Mamata: Are you a nonsense or what? nctc doesn't stand for National Counter Terrorism Centre. It stands for National Counter Trinamool Conspiracy.
Chamcha-in-Chief: I never knew cartoons were about a conspiracy. I always thought they were about humour.
Mamata: Humour? Don't you know that humour is the biggest conspiracy against me? That is why all those raskil fellows invented cartoons. So that they could do conspiracy against me. That's why I want all cartoons banned and all cartoonists put in jail. Starting with that fellow Walter Dijney. Arrest him at once!
Chamcha-in-Chief: But, Mamatadi, we can't arrest Walter Disney, sorry, Dijney.
Mamata: Can't arrest him? Why can't you arrest him?
Chamcha-in-Chief: We can't arrest him because he's already dead, Mamatadi.
Mamata: Dead? Death is no excuse to evade arrest! Arrest his ghost then. And while you're at it arrest that fat haas, that fat duck, Dohnahld.
Chamcha-in-Chief: Arrest Donald Duck, sorry, Dohnahld Duck? But how can Dohnahld Duck be part of a conspiracy against you?
Mamata: Oof, oh. Can't you see anything? Are you blind or what? Tell me what do ducks do?
Chamcha-in-Chief: I don't know. Lay eggs out of which you can make haaser deem, duck-eggs, omelettes? What do ducks do?
Mamata: I'll tell you what ducks do. Ducks quack. So that Dohnahld Duck cartoon is a conspiracy suggesting that I'm not a real neta but just a quack neta. And if that's not a conspiracy then I don't know the difference between a duck's egg and a rossogolla. I tell you, that Dohnahld Haas needs a baas, right up his...
Chamcha-in-Chief (hurriedly interjecting): Tail feathers?
Mamata: Tail feathers? I was about to say something that rhymes with both haas and baas. But never mind. Tail feathers will do. Just put that duck in jail without bail. And Meekee Mouse too.
Chamcha-in-Chief: You want us to arrest Mickey Mouse, sorry, Meekee Mouse as well? How's he a part of the conspiracy against you?
Mamata: When someone is trying to make a fool out of you don't people say he's taking the meekee out of you? With Meekee safely in jail none can take the meekee out of me!
Chamcha-in-Chief: I see what you mean. With Mickey-sorry, Meekee-in jail, no one can take the Mickey-sorry, meekee-out of you. There's only one problem. Even after all the cartoons are in jail there'll be one cartoon still at large, perhaps the biggest cartoon of them all.
Mamata: And who is that?
Chamcha-in-Chief (reciting): Mirror, mirror, on the wall/Show Didi who's the funniest toon of all...
- Jug Suraiya is a columnist and author
Monday, November 14, 2011
Kingfisher got BEER-HUG!
Revealed: The real reason behind Kingfisher Airlines’ fall from grace
Different quarters attribute different reasons for Kingfisher Airlines’ lack of profitability that has caused them to beg the government to bail them out. Vijay Mallya blames the government for high taxes. Other businessmen blame Vijay Mallya for whining without understanding how a free market works. And so on. The real reason is however right under everyone’s noses.
As Deepika dated Yuvi, his form dropped drastically, forcing people to question his cricketing abilities. But at least he had Deepika...
Er.. not for long, as it turned out. Deepika went on to romance Ranbir, whose towel promptly dropped along with Saawaria's fortunes at the box office...
Er.. that ended too. Deepika now went on to date the dashing Siddharth Mallya... Love was in the air... but uh.. Kingfisher isn't about to be in the air too long
What should Vijay Mallya do now?
(Based on a wisecrack floating around on Facebook)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Who Is The Prime Minister of India?
QuizMaster Derek O'Brien at KBC
AB : Who is the Prime Minister of India? Your options are.....
DOB: Sir I Can tell it without having options
AB: yes, yes I know you are quizmaster yourself...still I want your answer for my computer....
DOB : It's simple. Mamata Banerjee.
AB: Are you sure?
DoB: Absolutely.
AB: Please think over it, I thnk...
DoB: Keep your thinking with you. It's Mamata Banerjee.
AB: Ok. Ok could you please share your thought with us?
DoB: You know Mamata Banerjee has the most numbers in UPA govt.
AB: But I think it's congress....
DoB: Didn't I tell you to keep your thought with you? Which is bigger Congress or T-r-i-n-a-m-o-o-l Congress..simple Mathematics!
AB: Oh! yes yes. please carry on
DoB: Besides in last West Bengal Assembly CPM had 235 seats and TMC had 30 seats then too didn't didi call the shots? Now too if didi doesn't want....
AB: Ok Ok ! Toh lock kiya jaye?
DoB: What lock? We have the key! You can't lock us rather if we want we can lock anyone or everyone...
AB: Ok but I mean.......
DoB: What is there in what you mean? Who are you to mean....People meant it was didi's health department's inefficiency that 5/6 children died in WB Govt Hospitals but we let people meant that it was CPM who are responsible for that.
AB: That's nice, but we read in newspaper it was 50odd children.....
DoB: Do you believe more in newspaper than my words?
AB: Certainly not sir, What I say is should I ask the computer to lock your answer?
DoB: Absolutely. If it become wrong then it's definitely CPM's conspiracy
AB: I hope you are right
DoB: Any way you have to give me winning cheque...
AB: How's it?
DoB: What you mean? Didn't I mention didi's name in this programme?
AB: Yes you did, but how that....
DoB: Didnt you know whenever didi's name is there she gets that much. Before 2011 assembly election in West Bengal didi's "paintings" with her signature auctioned and Industrialists queued to get that signed "paintings" for crores! Do you have any doubt about didi's name?
AB: Absolutely no doubt. Well computerji, please yeh jawaab ko lock kiya jaye!
Computer get hanged up!
DoB: Didn't I tell you before it was CPM's conspiracy not to see Mamata Banerjee as Prime Minister of India?
AB: Yes you did say.
DoB: Didn't you say you have no doubt about it?
AB: Yes I also said that.
DoB: Then I proved right. Didn't I?
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